Another year has passed since we lost our little baby boy. I can’t believe it has been this long. Yesterday (the 14th) marked 3 years and this is the first year I haven’t completely fallen apart. I miss him everyday and usually this time of year brings back all kinds of hard memories. This time all I thought about was what he would have been doing on his third birthday.
I woke up and spent awhile just imagining what would have been while I heard my girls in the other room with Bryce. I wondered if he would have jumped on my bed to wake me up because he was so excited. I wondered what I would have bought him for his birthday and what kind of cake I would have made him. Would he be a “Superman” or Robot kid. What do boys like anyway. I guess I would have known by now what to get a boy for his birthday. As I lay there thinking I felt warm and happy.
It was Sunday, so I wondered if our church preparations would have been filled with happiness and excitement. I wondered if I would have told him over and over again how glad I was that he was born and my son. So I told him. I told him right there before I got out of bed that I was glad he was born and was my son.
What do you give an angel baby on their birthday. I can’t give him something to hold or play with. I can’t give him something to wear. I thought of what he would have wanted for me. I decided to live my life so that I was healthy and strong and be the kind of mother he would be proud of. I decided to live a life he never had a chance to live and to seek out my happiness because I knew he would want me to be happy. I also thought of doing something for someone else, so when his first birthday approached I decided that every year I would gather things in his honor to donate to other grieving parents who have lost a baby.
This year we are gathering items to donate to SHARE, which is an organization for parents who have lost a baby due to miscarriage, still birth or infant death. Depending on the type of loss, they have special mementos that they can give to remember your baby. This week we are collecting items from the SHARE wish list and I will be taking it with me to the next meeting in memory of Spencer. All those who would like to participate, I am leaving a list of items SHARE is in need of, and you can drop any items off at my house, or mail them. Which ever is easiest. If you need my address please send me a message and I will email it to you, or call.
Here is the list:
Gowns made in all sizes (I can email you a pattern if you feel this ambitious)
Zip lock bags for blanket packets in gallon and quart sizes
Glad press and seal
Any embellishments, flowers, ribbon, that can be used in box decorating (boxes are used for hand and foot molds)
Glue sticks for glue guns
Soft colored (or baby) scrapbook paper for hand and footprint cards
boys burial clothing in all sizes
I will also be crocheting gowns and need yarn (blue for boy, pink for girl, and white or cream for ?)
I will actually be giving these items at the meeting the first week of December, so you can drop them off any time before that, but this week I am going to be pretty proactive in getting things collected.
Thank you all for the help and the support you show my family every year at this time. I love you all and I am so grateful for you.